Count to 90

At times it is just too much! You try to do something and red tape is everywhere, blood pressure spikes and reasoning goes out the window... but there are solutions, keep reading.
Photo by eschipul Flickr CC
Yesterday I sorely needed to count to 90, a simple contract in a Latin country needed changes to company bylaws, duly witnessed and stamped by a Notary - then three more signatures and documents stamped with relief tools, just too much!

Turn the anger off

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-trained brain scientist, writes in her inspirational book My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey:

“Once triggered, the chemical released by my brain surges through my body and I have a physiological experience. Within 90 seconds from the initial trigger, the chemical component of my anger has completely dissipated from my blood and my automatic response is over. If, however, I remain angry after those 90 seconds have passed, then it is because I have chosen to let that circuit continue to run.”

If you are still angry after having counted to 90, you might need some techniques to cool down and prevent it all from happening again.

The ABC method

When you think back at times when you have lost your temper you will probably find a pattern. When you see the pattern you have the possibility of breaking it, there are three steps to the method.

1. Look for the antecedents (the A component), the things that triggered your angry outburst or things you noted just before you lost control.


2. Think back at your behavior (the B component), the things you did and said during the outburst.


3. Reflect on the consequences (the C component), the results caused by your outburst.

Techniques for cooling off

Bruna Martinuzzi gives some really good advice on the openforum blog. Among her suggestions she says that our body gives us plenty of signals, things like a clenched jaw, increased heart beat and so on. These signs are all good "antecedents" for our ABC method.

Mrs Martinuzzi goes on to suggest that we acknowledge the feeling, that we pause and focus on what we are feeling, telling ourselves "I am starting to get angry" or "I'm feeling anxious". To recognize the problem is the hardest part and probably the most important. Once we understand what is going on we can use the coaching technique of re-framing:

Reframe how you see the situation. Cognitive reframing or reappraisal is a conscious re-interpretation of a situation to shift our frame of reference to a more positive one. For example: “He is shooting down my idea to belittle me in front of my peers” could be viewed as “He is challenging me because this proposal impacts his bottom line.” Scientists have found that the conscious act of reframing engages the frontal cortex and dampens the amygdala.

I clearly realize how hard this is to do, but for the sake of your own health and the sanity of all those around you, it is well worth the try. Don't you agree?